June in January

A couple of weeks ago I woke up to find myself in January. Ugh. By far my least favorite month of the year.  I used to kind of like it - seeing as how it is the month of my birthday and also it is the month of skiing.  Except I am old and birthdays are significantly less fun and I can't afford to ski every week. I have tried to keep myself busy - you know, to power through it -  and I have been very, VERY busy, but still.

But then today, TODAY it is slightly warmer and the SUN is out! What a wonderful blessing, that sun. And then it hit me (a little late, mind you, but it HIT me).  Ammon was pulling on my legs as I ate my breakfast.  His sister and her cousin did not want to play with him and he wanted to play and so I am always next in line.  "Sure!", I said.  After all, I love to play with my little monkey.  And I held his little hands and gave him a lift to his feet and we started to walk down the hall and then it hit me.  HE IS GETTING SO BIG.  Thirteen months, you know. And he can take two or three steps on his own and stand by his self and Monday at the doctor he was attacking me with slobbery baby kisses as the doctor reviewed the synagis stuff and our straight-faced pediatrician even SMILED. And I thought, "Well, when did he get so big"? And then I remembered.

I remembered that it took FOREVER to get pregnant with him. It took exactly three months to get pregnant with Kylie.  Then when Kylie was nine months old, I was ready for another (already!). And Allie started out as my idea - except I was still breast feeding and things weren't predictable in any way, shape, or form. But then a couple of months later, they were predictable and after that first month of predictability I became pregnant.  So, you see, I was SPOILED (as always). But then Allie was a bit more challenging (although it all seems so simple now) as she came 8 weeks early and spent most of that eight weeks in the NICU. We decided to wait a bit for the next one - if there was even going to be a next one. Then he (Ammon) was kind of, mostly my idea. (What good ideas I have!)

I assured John that the next one was going to be a boy - because I knew he was a boy. And there is something equally and uniquely as special about a father-son relationship as there is a father-daughter.  (or a mother-daughter, mother-son) Except more than a year later he was still just a thought. Then John and I took a few months off from thinking about babies.  And then he (Ammon) became John's idea and what a blessing that was.  And then after a year and a half (which I realize is NOTHING, but remember I had been spoiled) I was pregnant!  And then we learned of his heart trouble and then we jumped on that roller coaster and now after ALL OF THAT WAITING he is a year old and we have been DEEPLY and RICHLY BLESSED by the experience and by him and it strikes me as odd that I have a son. And not only that I have a son, but a one-year-old son. Weird.

What a beautiful reality to wake up to on a January morning.