~The Speth Family~: Jail or Sanctuary?

Monday, November 9, 2009

Jail or Sanctuary?

Saturday was such a great day! John brought the girls at noon so we all went down to the cafeteria for lunch. He brought some YUMMY Subway sandwiches (I LOVE those!), and my very sweet CNA packed a couple of soda's, some juice and ice cream for a treat! The girls and John are always making me cute little packages of treats, candy and drawings so it was nice to be able to surprise them with something!

I had such a great time, but it passed so quickly. I'm only supposed to be gone for a half hour, but my CNA told me to take my time so I did :) After an hour I decided I had better not get her in trouble so I went back up. Of course I was sad to leave. The experience got me thinking...(oh dear).

We have received so many blessings throughout this experience. Besides the fact that I have made it much farther than anyone here thought I would (they keep reminding me of that and always sound so surprised), my contractions have calmed down considerably, I feel better than I have in months, the baby is growing and within the next week or two he should be big enough for surgery (an absolute miracle and blessing in and of itself)... I also have a ton of time to study, read, ponder, work on our family history book, crochet, play games... I am learning so much about trusting Heavenly Father without questioning Him and knowing that He will take care of us no matter what....Sometimes I get the feeling that this place is a sanctuary. A place Heavenly Father sent me to recharge and prepare myself spiritually for the challenges that lie ahead - all while he teaches my husband to appreciate what I do at home. At the hospital, people bring me meals, snacks if I want (including ice cream except it took me three weeks to find that out), they change my sheets for me, scrub my bathroom, mop my floor, bring me fresh towels, wash cloths, soap, socks, and whatever else I need, and I stay in my pajamas all day (I'm not sure if that is bad or good), John brings me clean laundry, yummy leftovers, and takes care of everything at home - its almost like a hotel:)

And then they wake me up at 12 am for vitals (which is usually a half hour after I finally fall asleep), 4am vitals, 5:30am to talk to the doctor, 6am if they need to draw blood, and I get up at least by 8 because that is when everyone starts everything for the day - breakfast, vitals, heart tones, NST... and they ask VERY personal questions 6 times a day, personnel come and go as they please even if I am trying to take a nap because I didn't sleep all night, I am being haunted by a nosy social worker who doesn't seem to understand why I haven't cracked yet, visitors are seriously restricted, I'm only allowed to be out of my room for a short amount of time and I only get to see my girls once a week for half hour to an hour (which is NOT enough, but better than nothing) and I have to miss Allie's birthday (birthdays are my favorite things to plan!)... and suddenly it feels like I am in jail - bummer.

So my goal is to appreciate the sanctuary time. To read, study and grow without distractions, relax and be grateful I have a few weeks off from cleaning bathrooms :) And most importantly, if my staying in bed and missing my family like crazy for a few weeks means we get to keep our son for a little while, it'll be well worth it.

5 comments:

HeidiNovember 9, 2009 at 4:45 PM
Oh Suzi! Your words bring my tears to my eyes and make my heart melt! You have such a great attitude and its wonderful to read of your thoughts, insights and perspective. You tell that social worker that your friends understand and that you're doing so well, they need to applaud you and just continue to support your Faith. :) The situation indeed is two-sided with stark contrasts... enjoy the happy side. There are so many people sending you happy thoughts to hopefully drowned out the no-fun-parts. I hope the journey has more rainbows and less showers, so you can throughly enjoy the view. :) Love ya!
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Jake and Stephanie PerrinNovember 10, 2009 at 11:04 AM
Hey Suzi!! I got your email! Our family blog is theperrinexperience.blogspot.com We are praying for you over here and praying for a strong little boy who will fight! I talk to my MIL and she is mostly working on the post Partum unit so you will most likely see her after your little guy is born. take care
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JulieNovember 10, 2009 at 1:08 PM
Honestly, I'm blown away at what a great attitude you have with everything. I'm so glad to hear that in only a couple weeks the baby will be ready for surgery. When is your official due date? I love keeping up with your experience because being pregnant myself makes me feel a ton of empathy for what you must be going through. Our prayers are with you and we wish you the best!
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AngelaNovember 10, 2009 at 9:00 PM
You are amazing. You are a true example to me as to what it means to rely on the Lord and live your life with His plan in mind. You have been nothing but strong through this whole ordeal that you have been thrown. I am truly blessed to have you as my neighbor and friend. Keep strong and ENJOY that time, treat it like a "hotel" and let John do the work at home!!! hehe. I have so enjoyed having your girls over and being able to help in that way. You guys are the best. Keep smiling and let me know if I can do anything at all.
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John and SuziNovember 11, 2009 at 5:30 AM
You guys are super nice - more than I deserve :) I really appreciate your positive thoughts and want you to know I would be a mess without all of your help! You are such a blessing - honestly. Thank you seems inadequate, but my vocabulary really isn't that big :)
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A Future of Peace
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