So I have been thinking (and not too much, mind you so this shouldn't take long!). Thinking about a book I have been reading - His Final Hours (by Jeffrey Marsh, I think?) which has taught me sooo much about those crucial moments during the last week of Christ's life (which I really have no idea exactly how I started reading, but that is another story...) and about a lesson I have to give in Relief Society this week on agengy (Heavenly Father's gift which allows us to act or choose for ourselves and not be acted upon).
The last week of Christ's life was a magnificent display of the wise use of agency. Particularly the last, most excruciating (both physically and emotionally) 36 hours. He met with the disciples for the last supper, Gethsemane - the beginning of the atonement, was betrayed by one of his best friends, suffered the physical pain and humiliation of the mock trials, and the crucifixion.... He had complete control over both himself and, I imagine, the heavens, and could have easily gotten Himself out of each of those situations, yet he chose to experience each of those events.
Particularly I am thinking of the atonement. It started in Gethsemane. I know he knew what he had to do, but seeing as how he had never experienced an atonement before, I think he may have been a little taken back by what that actually FELT like (maybe like unmedicated childbirth? We know what has to happen, but actually FEELING the pain brings a whole new light :).
Matthew 26:
36 Then cometh Jesus with them unto a place called aGethsemane, and saith unto the disciples, Sit ye here, while I go and bpray yonder.
37 And he took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and abegan to be sorrowful and very heavy.
38 Then saith he unto them, My soul is aexceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and bwatch with me.
39 And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and aprayed, saying, O my bFather, if it be possible, let this ccup pass from me: nevertheless not as I dwill, but as ethou fwilt.
40 And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them aasleep, and saith unto Peter, What, bcould ye not watch with me one hour?
41 aWatch and bpray, that ye enter not into ctemptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
42 He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy awill be done.
45 Then cometh he to his disciples, and saith unto them, Sleep on now, and take your rest: behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of man is abetrayed into the hands of sinners.
47 And while he yet spake, lo, Judas, one of the twelve, came, and with him a great multitude with swords and staves, from the chief priests and elders of the people.
So the part in the middle when he says, " O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt." I imagine he was thinking, "WOW. Heavenly Father I really wish this part could be over already, but if you want me to, I will keep going" and He chose to keep going. And then when He was on the cross he said, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"
I think that sometimes when we are in the hardest, most unpleasant trials we feel a bit forsaken and wonder where Heavenly Father is hiding and WHY? And why won't he just take away our pain and make it all better already? (To save my mom some stress, I am not having any hard trials right now, just learning from past ones :) There are moments when we need to be coddled and loved and spared from certain experiences, but there are also moments when we have to be left alone for a brief moment right in the middle of those most crucial times so that Heavenly Father can let us prove to ourselves what kind of choices we will make when stress is at its peak. And what a most perfect parent to be able to decipher between those times! I think in some instances Heavenly Father LETS us muddle through totally and completely on our own without his help as he did for a brief time when Christ was on the cross. I don't think he necessarily likes it or wants to hurt us in any way - I just think he is teaching us what we are made of.
Sometimes I need to be reminded where I came from and be able to see that I am, in fact, actually making some sort of progress. Its so easy to waste time during our earthly experience so I think those moments also serve to restore our eternal perspective and concentrate on things that actually matter or will matter when our time is up.
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