I love Sundays. I love them for lots of reasons, but I have been thinking about mothering and its challenges/rewards and I think I love Sunday because I get to RELAX with my kids, but I also don't have to be in charge for once. John is generally home on Sundays and he is the biggest help ever with the kids. After a long week (like this past one) I get kind of tired of being in charge sometimes. I love it when John is home to help with them and let my brain/body rest for a bit in preparation for the following week.
Not that being a mother is ALWAYS physically taxing, but sometimes IT IS. Trying to keep up with the ever evolving mess at our house, keeping the kids entertained (without a TV, mind you), encouraging them to get along and work well together, keeping them clean and fed and happy and educated and loved...
The girls are pretty easy because they are older, more self-sufficient and can problem solve (to a point anyway). Ammon is a bit more of a challenge right now. Not because of his health issues, but for the simple reason that he is a baby/toddler. Babies and toddlers are physically taxing. I remember watching other mothers when I first became pregnant with Ammon. At the time I was a mother of two very EASY girls. It looked so hard to have toddlers that need constant supervision - and it is! It takes A LOT of energy so its no wonder that sometimes we just need a short break - to recoup from our little marathon that never ends. But for me, it is worth it. I LOVE being a mother. Truthfully I do get tired of the daily grind sometimes, I am not superhuman and I would hope nobody expects me to be. But, I wouldn't trade motherhood for anything and I would do it a thousand times over.
Even the hard parts - like waking up in the middle of the night. Or whining. Ammon is not a great sleeper. I on the other hand, am. I must take my sleep pretty seriously because waking up is the WORST feeling ever for me - especially in the middle of the night. Mostly I feel like my head is full of sand and it takes all of my strength to get it off of the sticky pillow and straggle in to see why Ammon (or Allie) is crying. Those first few moments - on the way to Ammons room - I am a selfish mess. All I can think of is what I can do to make him happy and get back in my bed before I wake up. Because once I wake up - I'm UP. And I get to lay in bed for hours and think about how tired I am going to be the next day. But then I get to his room and hold him for a minute and change his diaper and hold him again and suddenly it is all worth it.
I can't think of a more peaceful, satisfying thing than holding a sleeping baby in the middle of a quiet, peaceful night. In that moment I know he feels safe and loved and I feel safe and loved and my selfishness is gone and I am happy. Then I don't want to go back to bed.
MY POINT IS that yesterday in church we had a lesson about charity. Mostly I learned that beyond serving others and doing nice things for them, Charity is UNDERSTANDING THEM and not judging them because you recognize and understand that everyone faces really hard things all of the time. Most importantly, not being critical of yourself or others. A few weeks ago a sister at church made a comment about how women tend to pick on themselves. I think that's true - partly in modesty and partly because we are very aware of things we need to improve on. What's worse is when other people add their criticism to our own - as if we didn't already know those things about ourselves. But having those thoughts said out loud - by someone else - makes them more believable - and that is dangerous. Plus, a lot of the time they are simply not truths - just pieces of other people's opinions. I'm thankful to be surrounded by family and friends who lift me up and make me feel like I am worth something :)
Except that wasn't really my point - that was a tangent. MY POINT REALLY IS that mothering fosters charity. It teaches us to care for others more than ourselves and if we can embrace it we find happiness. The world teaches that women should take time for themselves, but how much? I definitely like my Sunday breaks! But Christ taught that we will not be truly (lastingly) happy unless we love and serve others - like our children. They are little gifts, and among other things they will help us qualify for the kingdom of God by teaching us to change our selfish nature (D&C 103:27)
So my goal is that next time I hear my baby screaming in the middle of the night and I think I am just too tired for this sort of thing, I will remember that I am learning to be more charitable - more Christlike and I am always thankful for that. PLUS, in lieu of my wanting to be a more charitable mother I found some books I would like for mother's day!! The Mother in Me, Dance With Them, and Created For Greater Things. (That last sentence was meant specifically for John, just so you know.)
Good thing I follow my wife's blog. Mother's day shopping just got a whole lot easier this year!!
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