A little surprised about our surprise!

I'm a little surprised. I have been so nervous - for several months - to tell everyone about our exciting news.  I thought everyone would be shocked, scared and maybe even horrified. Because last time... last time we did this our decision effected pretty much everyone around us more than usual and I was scared that because of that maybe not everyone would be so happy for us. Last time I had a baby, I was in the hospital for six and a half weeks and then on bed rest at home for two more weeks and I left my husband to be in charge of everything important (and he did a good job). Family members took long drives to help clean our house and care for our kids and even flew across the ocean to help us.  Neighbors let John drop off our girls at insane hours of the morning and then got them ready and off to school. Ward members visited me in the hospital, baby-sat religiously, and made more meals than I can count.  Friends called or followed the blog to offer emotional support and brought me fun surprises.  I recognize the sacrifice that EVERYONE had to make on our behalf and I'm thankful for it and I PRAY I will not have to ask of you again!

Amazingly everyone has been really excited for us and SUPER supportive! And even though no one is freaking out I still want to offer an explanation - because John and I had a sort of different experience in making this decision and I want to share part of it...

As soon as we found out about Ammon's condition I knew he would be our last child. Not in a spiritual sort of way, but in a "There is no way John will want to do this again" sort of way. Because Allie had come 8 weeks early and that was challenging and then we were going to have a child with the worst possible heart defect and so it was only obvious that we should be done having children.  And everyone else assumed it too. I heard a myriad of comments such as, "So I guess you guys are done, huh".  And even though I was on bed rest I tried very hard to enjoy my pregnancy, seeing as it was to be the last.  I savored every little kick and tried to memorize that mesmerizing experience. Except every time I thought about trying to savor every last drop of this last pregnancy a thought would come to my mind, "This isn't your last pregnancy" Clear and concise, stronger each time. My response was to ignore it.

And then I went in for my post delivery check up and my doctor asked about the possibility of more children and I said, "I think we should be done" and I thought he would understand since he is the chief of the high risk OB department and all. And his response was, "You don't have to make that decision right now. There is nothing physical that tells me you should not have any more children. You have had a strange set of coincidences, but they are in no way related nor do they lead me to believe that you can't have more children." It was weird to me that he even cared.

And then...last year about the time Ammon went in for his second surgery I had a feeling.  You know, "the feeling". The one I have heard so many women say they had when they thought they might be done having kids, but weren't. I DID NOT want to tell John. And I put it off. Except we were discussing birth control options and the feeling was PERSISTENT.  I felt quite strongly that it was from Heavenly Father and that made it hard to ignore. First, I argued. I told Heavenly Father no way. I WOULD NOT put John through that again and I felt it was unfair to make me ask it of him. Then I had another sort of prompting/experience which was quite strong and convincing. I was much more humble and asked Heavenly Father if we were to have another child, would he please break it to John.

One night we were laying in bed and a prompting came quite clearly to mention my thoughts to John. I told him I felt like if we wanted to, we could have another baby, but I would do whatever he wanted.  His response was different than I thought it would be. Even though having another child wasn't in his radar any more than it had been in mine, John was certainly not opposed to the idea.  Mostly, he wanted to make sure the timing was right. I told him my story, but made sure he knew that if he was done so was I. And I left it at that.

Two weeks later on the way home from the temple John told me he had prayed about it and I was honestly surprised. I thought it had been dropped.  And then he explained the experience that followed his prayers. John had also received a confirmation equally as strong that there was in fact another little spirit who very deeply wanted to be part of OUR family and that this was the way to get that spirit here.

And we are VERY excited to meet this little spirit that is SO excited to join our family! We've  been excited for a long time - even before I was pregnant or ready to be, and we hope you are too :)!