Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Sorting some thoughts.

I finally finished and ordered our family blog books from the past two years! They are so fun to have - I just hope nothing ever happens to them :) Anyway I put together the 2012 book REALLY fast and as I did, it struck me that I am using this blog as an excuse for not writing in my journal (I have journals from 3rd grade to my first couple years of marriage), except in my journal I record spiritual experiences, thoughts, and lessons, which might not be appropriate for a blog.  I guess they are appropriate - I just don't like putting my personal thoughts out when I can't explain or answer follow-up questions.  Plus, I think we all learn differently and consequently think differently about any given subject and even if we are all correct, it might not seem as though we are on the same page.  Ramble, ramble...

So I have some thoughts I wanted to write down (maybe I should do a separate, private blog for this?) in the vaguest way possible...

I have been reading (de vez en cuando anyway) The Infinite Atonement, by Tad R. Callister.  I first listened to someone interview Elder Callister and his wife on The Mormon Channel (Conversations) and I was stunned that he put 18 years of studying the atonement into a book - eighteen years of thoughts, prayers, answers.... and I decided I HAD to read it :)  I don't get much time to read so it is taking me forever, but when I do read it, my head is left swimming in questions/thoughts/insights.

I don't think I will elaborate on any of these, but I want to write them down so I don't forget the things I want to continue pondering...

1.  My first thought is a compilation of all of the interviews I have listened to on Conversations.  My view of these men and women has changed in that the more I listen to their stories, the more I realize that we really are all striving for the same things - just at different levels :)  So my initial thoughts that there is no way I can hope to obtain the level of spirituality these lovely people have attained are unfounded.  It is a reminder that I don't have to be perfect, I just have to try to do SOMETHING.  I am more aware now than I have ever been of the imperfections, habits, sins, and ignorance inside of me and sometimes it is daunting to think of how to sort it all out.  On the other hand, I had sort of an epiphany recently as I thought back to who I was in elementary school/Jr. high and how much I have learned since then. (Sometimes I really just wish I could see my friends and not friends from that time and tell them thank you for teaching me and even though they may never have seen the progress, it did happen - eventually :)
This is only making sense to me, I know.

2.  I read a quote and I don't know if it is doctrinally sound, but the point was that because He is a God, Christ can entertain multiple thoughts simultaneously.  If that is true He can listen to me when I pray and give me his full attention and all the time that I need.

3.  If the Savior was fully aware of what his earthly mission would entail, then it makes sense that we too, knew of the trials we would face, and even though we didn't know what they would FEEL like, we agreed to it because of the good it would do - either for us, or for those we love.  So I should stop whining about hard things, right?  Maybe any suffering I experience is for the benefit of someone else, and vice versa.

4.  The book talked about several instances in the scriptures when Christ wept.  Elder Callister quoted B.H. Robers, "giving life cost God something as it costs us something"  As long as we care deeply for others (as we do our earthly children) we will feel pain when they feel pain.

Sorry if that was too disorganized :) Lucky (or unfortunately) for any lone sole reading this, I am only 45% through the book so there will be lots more to come :)

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