Ahhhh... Is it that time already? Because I really did feel quite
comfortable in that bubble that allowed me to believe everything was
going to stay the same.... forever???? And it will be okay and I have
comfort and faith, but its still hard. Its hard to know your
approaching your son's third open heart surgery and he's not even three
yet. Bummer.
Its a bummer because he has grown and
learned so much in the last few months! He is more and more fun to play
with and he's funny and smart, and has the cutest little boy smile and
he is going to have a fit. Ugh. Losing Ammon is inevitable - eventually
it will happen and I won't be ready. I'm not full of hugs yet. I need
him to maul me and giggle as he tackles me and make faces at me and be
his funny little self for just a few...more...years... until I'm old and
grey. And then, when my hug basket is full, he can go.
But
as for now..... he will go to the cath lab soon and depending on what
happens there a surgery date will be determined (Dr. P. would like to do
it before the holidays). They are going to fix, balloon, stent, etc.
as much as they can in the lab and decide what construction (in addition
to the Fontan procedure) needs to be done (he still has that non
expandable stent that has to be removed).
I really do have a comforting feeling about it all, but its accompanied by a lot of dread. I will feel better when its over.
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